I can't fucking take it anymore!!!
Ever since Glorfie got pissed at me for the damn orcs thing and demanded that I get a job, I've been looking. Of course I wasn't very happy with that, the thought of leaving the twins with a complete fucking stranger did not appeal to me so I aruged with him for about a day over that until he suggested having Goldberry watch them temporarily. Well, Goldberry is Goldberry so I couldn't argue with that.
Then I began looking for a fucking job just so I could go through a fucking day without him being even more sarcastic than usual and sending me death glares if I even mentioned orcs.
So Steve decided to try to help me look for work. We end up going to this nightclub thing, Steve said they were desperate for help and took me directly to the owner. I thought they needed a bartender or something but instead he said they needed dancers. So I asked, "Um, like those dancers with the feather boas and sparkly red heels? I don't do red heels."
In which he replied with. "Nah, kid. I mean nude dancing."
"We prefer to call it the exotic art of perverted dancing."
So, I left. My next stop was some housecleaning business, everything was fine until they pulled out the damn uniform.
"It's an apron." I said.
"Well, where the fuck is the rest of it?!"
The man rummaged around for a bit and finally handed over a hat. "There!"
I left there also. I came across some scummy diner that needed waiters. I walked in and abruptly walked back out. The waiters were wearing these rainbow colored foil looking short shorts and roller blades. Um....... no, not doing that.
So, I was even more pissed off. I was contemplating strangling someone when approached by some stupid kid asking me if I would like to be in movies. I told him I already was so fuck off, but he persisted said he was a made films and I was wondering where
I heard that
fucking line before when he suggested me being the star of a very adult film. I snapped! I left and walked all the way to the nearest fucking bar.
And do you know what I did ladies and gentlemen? I got fucking DRUNK! So incredibly smashed that I don't have any recollection of what I've done for the past two days, JUST LIKE FUCKING OLD TIMES. LOOK AT ME I'M THE BIG FUCKING DRUNK ONCE AGAIN!!! All I need is Finduilas
and I'd fucking be living in the damn past!
See?! I'm even about to fucking hyperventilate AND PROBABLY DIE OF AN EXTREME REAL FUCKING HEART ATTACK BECAUSE RIGHT NOW ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCKING TAKE A MACHINE GUN AND UNLOAD IT IN THE NEXT FUCKING PERSON'S FACE THAT EVEN SUGGESTS I SHOULD TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES!
Or maybe I can do a live autopsy! Yes! And make jewelry out of their organs!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!I'm going to shoot myself now.